Limbo

I know we will all be fine.

I know this is a transition.

For now, though, we are feeling what we feel.

That is my phrase I always say to myself, and share with my girlfriends, when I am, or they are, going through something: "Feel what you feel."  Maybe I got this from reading about Zen Buddhism, the whole "be where you are" type philosophy.

And, as a mother, even though I know it is
normal
will improve
will change
not a crisis

..... it is still hard on my heart.  Very hard on my heart.

"I want to go back to my old school."

"Are we even ever going to visit my old school?"

"I have no friends at school."

As their mother I made a life for them.  A stable, consistent life.  We went to preschool, next door to grammar school.  We made friends, who we then knew in grammar school.  The younger child saw the older child experience grammar school, then began there herself.  We made friends in that school.  We made connections at the library, at the pool, at sports activities, at children's choir and family activities at our church.

Children thrive on consistency, experts say.  I liked that for my children.  I felt it was one of the reasons why they seemed calm, happy, well-adjusted.

And then that all changed with a move.  Well, not really.  That's an exaggeration.  I know that the calm they feel also goes with us wherever we go as a family.  They still seem calm, happy and well-adjusted.  But it is still a lot.  A lot of change.  A lot of not knowing.  A lot of unfamiliar.  A lot of being strangers in a strange land.

I think the usual upsets my children experience on a day-to-basis at school seem exacerbated when experienced in a new setting.  And my reaction to them is much more protective.  7 yr old Ashley got into the car her second week at the new school, and promptly burst into tears because girls had told her about a ghost with a knife.  It could be just that she reached the finish line of the safety of the car with her mother, and could let it all out, the new, the different, the uncertainty.  But why are first grade girls talking about a ghost with a knife?!  Sigh.

Everyone keeps reassuring me it will all be fine in time.  I keep responding that I have no doubt of that, I am not saying that, I am just "feeling what I feel" today.  Knowing it will all change someday does not help one bit today.  Well, maybe it does.  Maybe if I thought this is how we would all feel forever, it would feel much worse.  Yes, probably so.

And it is not all sturm und drang.

The kids are also
playing
laughing
joking
drawing
exploring the new backyard
making snow angels
having snowball fights

All is well overall.  Just getting used to a lot of new.